Friday, May 29, 2009

Now this is scary

I enjoy reading my horoscope for the fun of it; I don't put too much thought or emphasis into it. And only one time has my horoscope been accurate. It was a few years ago, I was in a single car accident - I was following the car in front of me too closely in rush hour traffic, she slammed on her break, I swerved to avoid hitting her and went off to the shoulder-less gravel and slid into the metal thingy that keeps you from jumping to the other side of the highway. No harm to me or anyone else, but my car looked like crap. Turns out those metal things cause serious damage when you scrape up against them. Later that night when I read my horoscope it said I was going to have car problems. Too bad I hadn't read that in the morning....I might not have followed that car so closely!

Anyway, up until then my horoscope says some stuff that I really would like to come true (you will get an exciting call today; you will have the opportunity for traveling to distant lands; a new romance will begin today...) but they never do.

However. Today's Tarot Card reading said this:

Today, you're somewhat concerned about your family. In a strange sort of way, you feel as if they have abandonded you, and that hurts, Lisa. But don't let it eat you up! Sometimes it is necessary to put some distance between oneself and the people one loves most. After all, birds grow wings to fly. It's all part of the eternel cycle of life, there is no getting away from it. Keep your eyes on the road ahead, don't look in the rear mirror all the time.

Holy shit! I have been feeling like my family doesn't miss me and my feelings do get hurt because they're not professing how much they miss me (aside from the twins, who have now learned how to send text messages and often text me with "what are you doing".) When people ask me "so how do you like it, think you'll stay long term?" I say "Ask me in a year. When I stop complaining about the high cost of everything, then it'll feel like 'home'."

Intellectually, I know I need to look ahead, to stop thinking about the way things used to be... the closet space I used to have, the companionship I had daily with my roomie and dogs, the low cost of tuna in SA, etc., etc. But it's proving to be easier said than done. Going home as often as I have been isn't helping; it's both a blessing and a curse to be only a 4 hour drive from home. Blessing because I can get home quickly if needed. A curse because I can get home quickly. Had the company moved to Chicago, I wouldn't be able to just fill the car up and drive home for the weekend and flights would be much more expensive.

So, after Marcus' graduation next week and Father's Day weekend, I have no plans to go home until August (for my cousin-in-law's send off to the sandbox.) This will give me a chance to bond with Dallas, and give my family time to prove that they really do miss me by taking the I35 drive to come visit me!


laurie said...

Sorry kiddo - I know it's hard. It's kind of like when you are a freshman in college. The kids that lived close to home would go home every weekend, but those of us that lived too far and COULDN'T go home adapted to school life better. Maybe you should put yourself on a semester system! Odds are, if you stick around Dallas for a few weekends, it will grow on you. Promise! (unless you've got any cool weekend trips coming up!!!)

And your fam does miss you I'm sure. Y'all are too close for them not to!